Getting your partner interested - techniques and strategies

[ultradude]

First off, I know you can't force people to like or dislike certain things.

As I have mentioned in other posts, my girlfriend is tolerant of my fetish. She participates to an extent but only gets off on the fact that I am enjoying myself, not what she's doing to me...

I would love for her to get into anal stuff, especially big things. I would love to be able to fist her anally but especially vaginally! I would also love it if she actively initiated fisting me.

She knows I love stretching and sometimes she lets me put all my fingers in her vagina and stretch a bit and fiddle around because it gets me rock hard and dripping! But she doesn't seem to enjoy the act herself, just the fucking she gets afterwards.

One time she got annoyed with my bringing up anal all the time and said "OK, we'll do it, get it over with" and turned over. obviously fucking her in the ass wasn't going to work first time off the bat, but she considers that as having "tried anal". I didn't even get a finger in!

My long term plan which might take a while involves stretching her vagina bit by bit manually when she lets me, hopefully that will eventually lead to getting my whole hand inside her. Hopefully by that time, I will be able to reach spots she really likes to convince her it's not so bad, or maybe she will just start to like being stretched if I associate it with other nice things like showing her how much I enjoy doing it and pampering her extra afterwards...?

Aside from this slow but steady approach (which I don't think would work to convince her to try anal properly!) does anybody else have any ideas they've tried, convincing arguments they've used?

Thanks!

[fistoboy]

hard to give a piece of advice

[Tangerine]

The mystery of Love. (^ ^)

[analease]

All i can suggest is not to go on about this stuff.
From experience, the more my ex would go on about things, wanting me to do stuff that i didn't want to, the more i would get annoyed and less likely to participate.

I found that i like to try things in my own time, hell, i do stuff now that i never in a million years thought i would. Fisting is one of them

You can't make people get off on the things that you do.

People have to find these things out all by themselves through trial and error, just like everything in life.

[minx]

Ditto what analease said. Don't get on about it.

And she's not a dog. You can't train her to like something by associating it with more pampering!!!

Maybe if you get her really really drunk and very horny you might stand a chance of trying first time, then go from there. (Not that I'm condoning this method of seduction!)

[Tangerine]

Yes booze and drugs help sometimes the villains to get their goals hehehehehe ! (^ ^) ;crazy: Edited August 15, 2007 by Tangerine

[Guest sweetpea]

This subject speaks directly to me at the moment.
I was involved with two people for a while. One was a vanilla relationship and one was an alternative one.
The vanilla man knows of my interest in all things anal. The bigger the better but just is not as into as I am or my other alt partner was. My alt partner was also involved in a vanilla relationship but his partner has no idea of his love of anal stretching and fisting. Sadly I fell for the alt man that is involved and cheating.
So after breaking up with the alt guy because it got too messy for him at home I tried to get my vanilla boy to try the heavier stuff and even suggested a cuckhold but got an understandably bad reaction.
Long story short I just broke up with the vanilla man because I am just not satisfied in a vanilla relationship and it wasn't fair to try to turn him into something he isn't. I respected him too much for that.
Now I am completely broken and sad and missing my anal abuser something fierce.
So here is both sides to the story...
He stayed with vanilla girlfriend and I chose to move on from my vanilla bf.
I'm hoping I'm happier in the long run. But I'm not sure I'll find another anal abuser like him. I'm doubtful
and my heart is broken for the moment.

[analease]

This subject speaks directly to me at the moment.
I was involved with two people for a while. One was a vanilla relationship and one was an alternative one.
The vanilla man knows of my interest in all things anal. The bigger the better but just is not as into as I am or my other alt partner was. My alt partner was also involved in a vanilla relationship but his partner has no idea of his love of anal stretching and fisting. Sadly I fell for the alt man that is involved and cheating.
So after breaking up with the alt guy because it got too messy for him at home I tried to get my vanilla boy to try the heavier stuff and even suggested a cuckhold but got an understandably bad reaction.
Long story short I just broke up with the vanilla man because I am just not satisfied in a vanilla relationship and it wasn't fair to try to turn him into something he isn't. I respected him too much for that.
Now I am completely broken and sad and missing my anal abuser something fierce.
So here is both sides to the story...
He stayed with vanilla girlfriend and I chose to move on from my vanilla bf.
I'm hoping I'm happier in the long run. But I'm not sure I'll find another anal abuser like him. I'm doubtful
and my heart is broken for the moment.

Aww, sorry to hear how sad you are

People say that sex isn't everything in a relationship but for some it does play a huge part and if the kinky stuff isn't there as well as all the loving stuff, it can and does turn sour.

Sure it won't be long until you find a compatible partner again.

At least you can come in here and feel at home with likeminded peeps

[Guest sweetpea]

A very sincere *thank you*

[Tangerine]

Hmmm Sweetpea I had to choose beetween vanilla and alt jap partners too a few month ago and I choose alt for the same kinky reason but now as my alt 15 000 Km away so I miss my vanilla too muahaha !

Too bad NY is so far I could have offer you a drink at the Rosebud Bar here to change your tears for silly laughs. (^ ^) . Edited August 15, 2007 by Tangerine

[gershi]

Hmmm Sweetpea I had to choose beetween vanilla and alt jap partners too a few month ago and I choose alt for the same kinky reason but now as my alt 15 000 Km away so I miss my vanilla too muahaha !

Too bad NY is so far I could have offer you a drink at the Rosebud Bar here to change your tears for silly laughs. (^ ^) .

wow, tang, how romantic you can be

here´s something for the next romantic help offer


spread love

[Tangerine]

Ja ja Gershi, a good beer with a sad lady always makes me feel in a romantic mood ! (^^)

[Guest sweetpea]

I don't drink, but the laugh and like minded company would be nice.
Thanks for referring to me as a *lady*

[reeleehung]

Ultradude,

As long as you are motivated by respect and love for her, your ladyfriend will be willing to try new things with you to make you happy. Along the way, she might even realize that it feels really good.

Strategy: Tasteful porn helps... Start slow with something tamer. My gal is kind of partial to Seymore Butts' movies because they're all about "fun". There's lots of anal and nobody gets hurt.

Also, for casual stretching, try an inflatable dildo. If you get her stimulated clitorally and keep her focus on that, you should be able to slowly stretch her without her even really knowing how dilated she is becoming. Over time you may even find that you need a bigger inflatable. As far as her fisting you, an inflatable will stretch you out easily as well. Also, if you've never experimented with "Rush", you might want to try that too. I call it "passion in a bottle" it raises the pain threshold and might just do the trick in getting her to "loosen up".

I hope these words help. Just remember to be motivated by good vibes and everything should work out fine.

Sweetpea, here's hoping your search for your ideal sex mate is a short one. New York is full of open-minded individuals. I miss living there sometimes. Good luck!

ReeLeeHung

P.S. MINX... Congrats on your new bundle of joy! Edited August 16, 2007 by reeleehung

[dieselmotorhead]

It seems that the "strange stuff" is hard to get in a vanilla type relationship. I only convinced my wife to fist me twice, and it was obvious she was not into it. Been able to do anal with her a couple of times but it is easier to do the vanilla and not argue/gross her out. Barely tolerates the time I take to clean out, because she knows I will ask for at least some fingers. I even tried sort of games to get her into the play aspect- fingering her ass or pussy while she is fingering my ass- if I am her streching too much she can stretch me really hard to get me to lay off( but that is what I wanted). I also ask for a two or three finger lead ( one in her three or four in me ) the knuckles counting as fingers. But she is just not into it. Seems a universal issue except for the real lucky couples where everything lined up.

[ultradude]

Thanks for all the replies.

Her take on things is that she will do things to please me even if she doesn't like them. It just makes me feel like a bit of a user to ask her to do things that she just doesn't like.... for example, she will never initiate or suggest we do something I like.... I always have to ask her explicitly.

Then again she asks me to do things that I find uncomfortable (just due to physical difficulties) or dull and I go along with them for her benefit!

I think a healthy relationship is a bit of give and take so long as nobody gets hurt or resentful right?

By the way, she is letting me stretch her because I enjoy it so much. She claims not to get a kick out of it.... maybe she just needs to be in the right frame of mind? I know when she's had a few drinks she is more accomodating and has a much lower pain threshold. Maybe some careful stretching for a few months followed by a drunken fisting?

If she ends up liking it (I think she might) then that would be the end of the struggle right?

[assmuncher]

My wife had no interest in anal sex when I first tried it , what worked for me was fucking her at the end corner of the bed with me standing and her on her back . Now her hands are free to play with her clit and her ass is easy to access , now with your free hands and a little lube , reach under her and rub her ass . Don't finger her ass just rub it , after acouple of sessions my wife began to enjoy having her ass played with , infact most of the time we have sex she will ask me to finger her ass at the same time .
Hope that helps.