Early signs of interest in stretching

[R1C4RD0]

Hey, all!

Do you think there are any signs you would point out to a person having interest in stretching/extreme anal? Maybe going back to the dating scene after a while and was wondering

[Darthvin]

Not something that pops up easily in the first few months I reckon but maybe if the partner is actually into anal that would be a start. Perhaps if they go for a shit during a date and come out and say 'fuck me that turd was fucking massive' - maybe then you'd know haha, seriously though I think anything extreme takes a while to come out and even if the other isn't into it (your kink); with a strong bond/love most partners normally accommodate each others desires. I recently told my partner I like ballbusting. To my surprise once she'd done she found she really enjoys it. Trouble is now I get the poor bugger punched, squeezed and slapped all the time! Sometimes if just like a gentle stroke haha. Nowt queer as folk as they say... 

[Upthebutt]

20 hours ago, Darthvin said:

Not something that pops up easily in the first few months I reckon but maybe if the partner is actually into anal that would be a start. Perhaps if they go for a shit during a date and come out and say 'fuck me that turd was fucking massive' - maybe then you'd know haha, seriously though I think anything extreme takes a while to come out and even if the other isn't into it (your kink); with a strong bond/love most partners normally accommodate each others desires. I recently told my partner I like ballbusting. To my surprise once she'd done she found she really enjoys it. Trouble is now I get the poor bugger punched, squeezed and slapped all the time! Sometimes if just like a gentle stroke haha. Nowt queer as folk as they say... 

I wouldn't say most and I'd be careful about admitting your deepest desires as it can sometimes backfire. With my wife when I confided to her that I liked anal on me she was disgusted with me and told me so. She also questioned my sexuality. With some communication and education I did manage to get her to try it a few times but I know for sure that she isn't into it, and we don't ever do kinky sex anymore now that her sex drive has gone down the drain. Im pretty sure she resents my kink because whenever I go to do solo play on my own I can tell it bothers her.

 

Moral of the story, get these conversations done early on, be ready rejection, but most importantly dont settle for less like I have.

[Darthvin]

I totally agree. Maybe I coukd have worded it better but my point was really what you've stated. Don't settle for something that doesn't work. I split up a few times with my partner thinking 'I'd save her' from my kinks. But actually being upfront and talking not only got us back together but also made us a strong couple. I know she totally more vanilla than me but equally doesn't mind engaging. But I agree the word 'most' was probably wrong. I should have written 'tell them early, and if they don't like it then get the fuck outta there'. Being in a relationship is a 2 way thing but both have to find a happy medium,or its just not worth the unhappiness. 

[jaakkokulta]

On 7/13/2022 at 5:02 PM, Upthebutt said:

I wouldn't say most and I'd be careful about admitting your deepest desires as it can sometimes backfire. With my wife when I confided to her that I liked anal on me she was disgusted with me and told me so. She also questioned my sexuality.

It's different with your wife versus dating. When dating, you want it to backfire. It's better to be honest about things early, so you don't end up in a relationship where you have to hide things.

[imsnowman72]

All very good advice.  Tell 'em early and often. Share, share, share and then listen. But don't settle.

[arse636]

On 7/18/2022 at 4:34 PM, imsnowman72 said:

All very good advice.  Tell 'em early and often. Share, share, share and then listen. But don't settle.

I cannot agree more. Your sexual preferences are what they are, especially if 'non vanilla' play is integral of your sex life. You will only end up resenting your partner if they are willing not to participate, and cause friction if it's clear they are not into it. It's not fair on either of you in the long run. My previous partner was not into it at all, causing a strain on the relationship.

My advice is to experiment early on with your new partner, slowly introduce your kinks and do not be ashamed of what you enjoy. Talk about it, find out their hard limits is essential to. For me, that started with a finger up my ass, then 4, a fist and beyond...Life is too short to be in the kink closet

[ColonVoodoo]

On 7/13/2022 at 4:02 PM, Upthebutt said:

I wouldn't say most and I'd be careful about admitting your deepest desires as it can sometimes backfire. With my wife when I confided to her that I liked anal on me she was disgusted with me and told me so. She also questioned my sexuality. With some communication and education I did manage to get her to try it a few times but I know for sure that she isn't into it, and we don't ever do kinky sex anymore now that her sex drive has gone down the drain. Im pretty sure she resents my kink because whenever I go to do solo play on my own I can tell it bothers her.

 

Moral of the story, get these conversations done early on, be ready rejection, but most importantly dont settle for less like I have.

Whoa dude... That sucks... I hope you figure something out together or that you can maybe go your own ways. That doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me. I mean, if you're as old as your profile says, then there's no reason to think that you have to settle with that...

[tom255]

Mine long story short. When i revealed my desire, she was shocked but not rejected me. But I saw that on her face that she not enjoying it at all, and sometimes disgusting for her, not because of poop ot so, i was perfect clean. And once i asked her and she responded that she not enjoy it at all. So I don't ask her anymore to fist or stretch me. I not hiding from her, she knows what i do in bathroom and she really jealous and blame me. I am try to balance and satisfy her.  I really regret that i did not revealed my desires earlier. I am hoped, that she gets used and starts to like it, but it's not happened.  

Better speak about it soon as possible, get her into it and see how she reacts. Do not waist you precious time. Better to be live and love who shares you fetishes 

[Upthebutt]

15 hours ago, ColonVoodoo said:

Whoa dude... That sucks... I hope you figure something out together or that you can maybe go your own ways. That doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me. I mean, if you're as old as your profile says, then there's no reason to think that you have to settle with that...

Ill admit that I wrote that in a moment of frustration. While my marriage is far from what I hold in my fantasies its good in most aspects, but ebs and flows as any relationship generally does. Its a complicated matter but she needs me so I stay with her. Also, the grass isn't necessarily always greener on the other side and dating in a smallish town in your 30s where your now ex also dates would be a challenge in itself.

 

I also hold out some hope that things will get better despite the contrary being true. She has indulged me in anal play before but for the past year due to having a kid, sex has all but gone down to once per month, if I'm lucky. She's also got the perspective that sex is about achieving an orgasm as quickly as possible in order to achieve relief and that taking longer than necessary to get to orgasm ends up in frustration due to a waning interest.

 

However she's mostly okay with my solo play. She isn't enthusiastic about it per se, but she doesn't prevent me from having ny solo time either.

I don't know. It's all very complicated and while I'd love to walk away and try to find a partner that I connect with better sexually, what new problems will I have chasing such a life? How would that decision affect everyone around me that I still care for?

 

I'll leave it at this. Mental health issues affect the victim but also affect those around you. If you can afford it, please seek therapy to better your situation.

 

Also recognize that anal play isn't okay with everyone and that people hold a variety of opinions on the matter, some more close minded than others and when opening up about something so vulnerable one should be careful in doing so due to the possibility of rejection. Set your expectations low and your expectations will always be exceeded.

Edited August 23, 2022 by Upthebutt

[teletarzan]

8 hours ago, Upthebutt said:

Ill admit that I wrote that in a moment of frustration. While my marriage is far from what I hold in my fantasies its good in most aspects, but ebs and flows as any relationship generally does. Its a complicated matter but she needs me so I stay with her. Also, the grass isn't necessarily always greener on the other side and dating in a smallish town in your 30s where your now ex also dates would be a challenge in itself.

 

I also hold out some hope that things will get better despite the contrary being true. She has indulged me in anal play before but for the past year due to having a kid, sex has all but gone down to once per month, if I'm lucky. She's also got the perspective that sex is about achieving an orgasm as quickly as possible in order to achieve relief and that taking longer than necessary to get to orgasm ends up in frustration due to a waning interest.

 

However she's mostly okay with my solo play. She isn't enthusiastic about it per se, but she doesn't prevent me from having ny solo time either.

I don't know. It's all very complicated and while I'd love to walk away and try to find a partner that I connect with better sexually, what new problems will I have chasing such a life? How would that decision affect everyone around me that I still care for?

 

I'll leave it at this. Mental health issues affect the victim but also affect those around you. If you can afford it, please seek therapy to better your situation.

 

Also recognize that anal play isn't okay with everyone and that people hold a variety of opinions on the matter, some more close minded than others and when opening up about something so vulnerable one should be careful in doing so due to the possibility of rejection. Set your expectations low and your expectations will always be exceeded.

When im reading your last post i think you love her and dont want to get away from her.I think you take a good decision.Stay playing solo and enjoy it.For my thought you take a good decision.Just talk to her about your bad sexlife together...Good luck!

[Upthebutt]

3 hours ago, teletarzan said:

When im reading your last post i think you love her and dont want to get away from her.I think you take a good decision.Stay playing solo and enjoy it.For my thought you take a good decision.Just talk to her about your bad sexlife together...Good luck!

Thanks. I genuinely do care for her and would love to see her get to a better place in life. She doesn't even have to do my kinks, but like you said I iust need to communicate with her more about how its making me feel. I am internalizing a lot of thjs

[TheDemonKingsCity]

Things that can be early signs of interest for women can include a lot of things, liking fanfic erotica when they were younger (most of it is gay and therefore anal sex), interest in tentacle or monsterfucking kinks, having logistical worries with their vagina (vaginismus or bacterial sensitivity).

But the most important thing is that when you do anal for the first time make sure it is pleasurable for them. My partner had never anal before but she loved watching gay porn and because I focused entirely on her pleasure she came 3 times. Not long after we decided to be anal only. Although I think a major reason she did that is because we are not exclusive lol