Well, I was. Like I say, it was my first session on the new toy and was a little over-optimistic about my ability to take it. I thought I had a lot more of it in me than I actually did. I thought I just needed to give it the last little push, but I still had about another 50% of the taper left to go in reality. I also wasn't showering the toy with lube at that point. Still, you live and learn. The big fissure, I suspect, will scar. Such is life.
I find it too hard to lie on my back, hold the toy, and penetrate myself with it. But I do prefer that position for inserting food and other smaller items. As I mentioned in the OP, I got the toy in... once... but it was immediately pushed out by the spasms of the muscles in the colon. Chances are my ass just isn't quite ready to take something this large. Once I can get it in regularly the next step, I suppose, will be learning to accommodate it inside me.
After playing I use Anusol to soothe the abused hole. Seems to work a treat. Comes in suppository form and cream form. I use both.
Yeah she's definitely not into it. If she knew half of what I get up to when she's not around she would divorce me, I'm sure. The fact is I'm just a lot kinkier than her. I love her, so it doesn't matter to me to be honest. I'm happy to satisfy my kinky side when she's not here.
No sex shops locally :-( We used to have one but it closed down, and it was a high street chain so wouldn't have carried anything like poppers.
Nothing. She doesn't know about it. I hide the toys from her and only use them when she's not around.
I can't. At least, not yet. Hoping to get there soon though :) But no, she has no idea I have the ability to put items in my ass that would make her cry just to look at them. Nor does she know that I like to sound my penis, or any of my other fetishes. I've always needed a lot more sex than her, earlier in our relationship it was clear she saw it as a chore having sex with me every day. She seems to enjoy sex once every few weeks, where as I need a release every day. So... I always make sure I'm there for her when she needs it, but then I also have my other fun when I can. Some would say it's dishonest, but I just see it as a way for me to get what I need without cheating on her. The relationship doesn't have to be built on sex, sure it's important, but we click on so many other levels that I don't see a boring sex life as a problem.