time and patience young padawan.... lol. I've only been intermittently interested in depth play. Something a little bit scary but utterly fascinating with it. I get my pleasure from the stretch and "full" feeling, and maybe half the time from the sensations of in-and-out fucking. I'm not even sure how I came to be aware of how fun anal play can be- probably just because hey, there are a billion nerve endings there and things can feel good if approached correctly. Over the last maybe 20 years or so I've gotten to the point where the stretch is as much of a meditation, zen-like, end unto itself as it is an erotic means to get off... for me it is a totallly solo thing- married long term and monogamous, it is an alone-time thing for me. The important aspects are to listen to your body, don't force anything (within reason), and understand it is a journey. The only drug I've ever been exposed to is a bit of alcohol, which just relaxes me and lowers my mental inhibitions. I have no desire for anything else. I don't need it to enjoy my biggest toys, and I don't need to use my biggest toys to enjoy myself. I'm comfortable now to use just my fingers and hands to loosen up. Then I can easily take my Tantus Fist Trainer for a ride, then without any trouble I can wear my Tantus Tex plug. I have no desire to go bigger than that any more, although I have done. I recently got a Tantus A-Bomb plug which I really wish was a bit larger, but for wearing over a few hours is excellent... great shape and feel. ( I have no reason to promote Tantus products other than I have found them to my liking. ) Soft-ish high quality toys are awesome. No they are not cheap. This isn't a cheap endeavour if done right. There is no SAFE quick way to achieve your goals.