Dats, I recall myself from past in things You've wrote. Hovewer I surpassed it. I don't feel any guilt about what I'm doing. The society we live in creates some forms, norms which all humans from the moment of birth are put it. Parents, school, religion, friends, television, enviroment during our first 20 years of life are carving rules, laws, moral norms in our minds. If you let them, they will tell you how you SHOULD live your life, and You will believe that they are right, You will believe that they can do it, and You are supposed to listen them. This goes on all aspects of life, but I will focus on sexuality. There are societies (countries) on this world where animal porn is alloved, you can fuck with animals and even if not everyone will accept it, they won't put you in jail. There are countries where marrying 12 y.o. girl is normal thing, because everyone does it. There are places where man should have 4,5 or more wifes. There are countries (most of this world) where "normal" man can fuck different girl every week, but woman who fucks different guy every week is slut, whore, bitch, etc. At last, there are people who love fisting, which that sexual act turns the the most, if they are lucky fister and fistee meet each other and they live in happiness (at least sexual). Many of us, males dreams to meet "dirty" girl who would want to chase sexual desires with us on one field, and on second would be wise and loving partner. Hovewer, because of manipulation of society which I mentioned above its hard, there is not too many such open minded people who aren't affraid to reveal their fantasies. Don't buy that bullshit which society wants to sell you. Don't buy their guilty to pursuit desires. Don't buy their fake faces, fake statements, fake moral laws, because no-one has monopoly for truth. As prolaptotron said, feel good with your individuality. Don't waste time whipping your back, because your not "normal", you are not the one which they want you to be. Hovewer, like with all other things in life, too much of something may make you feel bad. You said you need more, and more excessive stimulation, yes that's true, this works that way, like with cocaine... I would advice you to watch porn, masturbate, but not every day, not couple times a day, just once for two days, once for three days. I guarantee you will feel more joy of it.
