My New Me

[bodusha]

My New Me

 

Has it been years since I shared my journal with you?

There is an explanation. I have been in recovery. Recovery from sex addiction is one of the hardest habits to kick. Typically an interdiction is imposed on to break the cycle. I needed to be broken but what eventually happened no one could have imagined. But maybe not…

 

I had become submissive to a man. He called himself Mr. B, and always had to leave me after our sessions together. Mr. B had what he called “engagements to take care of.” He was very good at making me want more, leaving me wanting more every time. So after a year of having him in my life I wanted him so much there was nothing I wouldn’t do.

 

Understand, Mr. B was perfect, I was happy to quit my job after he offered to pay for my housing and take me shopping for all my needs. I lived alone and to those who knew me know that there was no one else in my life. Mr. B was always happy to be there, he became the only person I wanted to be with.

 

During that year a strict regime was demanded. I was dieting and was required to exercise daily. There were stretching and dance routines, as well as the daily run which increased weekly. My diet included a variety of enemas. All this was recorded in a journal as well as with a small video camera. When he arrived several times a week I would have the video diary ready for Mr. B to watch me eat, bath, and then flush my guts out over and over again on the toilet. He wanted me thoroughly cleaned out the day before his visits. It was all very disciplined.

 

Being controlled like that was all I thought about. I wanted to present myself to him just the way he wanted, every detail had to be correct. Some how these details were never what he expected of me. He would find fault for something unexpected and it was then time to beg for his mercy. This became a predictable cycle, I would leave little errors for him to find and this made him want to punish his messy little girl.

 

We would shop together for what was needed for me to be punished. Shopping online would have been too easy, we did look at the things I needed on the web but he wanted me to walk into S&M stores and use my own credit card to buy the toys and tools he needed. At first it was hard to walk into porn shops alone and carry the biggest dildo on the shelf to the check out. It was obvious there was a lot of checking out going on. Mr. B would be in the store watching me as I tried to ignore the male customers who wanted to talk and some times touch me. It didn’t help that I was wearing little tank tops and gym shorts that were too small for my tiny body.  Another of his games was to park several blocks away and make me carry the bag of toys with one or two of the men in the store who assumed I was being a tease. Mr. B had so many games for me. If there were men hassling me he would drive away, circling the block. He was rewarded with a view of me fending off the men who clearly thought I was available to them in any alley or doorway. Knowing he was watching I would let them approach me, Mr. B wanted me to let them get close and touch me. As I began to feel desperate he would ease the car up and open the door for me jump in.

 

Then one day everything changed. I had purchased a massive double ended dildo and a plug that was almost as big as a highway cone. There were two young men in the store who were very aggressive and then the round the block routine began. I was on heels and having hell of a time keeping the bulky bag in my arms and keeping my top and shorts on as the randy dudes let know what they expected me to do with them. It seemed that the car was not coming as I walked around the block twice looking for my chariot of fire. Even with the fitness training I was about to panic, they had me in a building alcove and were using their hands and fingers to start taking advantage of my helpless situation. I saw the car and darted to the curb. They were still with me and opened the rear door to push me in. They jumped in on either side and I suddenly knew this was going to be a new game.

 

We drove to a motel and I never got to play with my new toys. They played with me. The next morning Mr. B drove me home. He had been there all night and was not pleased with what had happened. I thought I was being the good girl he required once I saw that the two men were a set up. I fucked them for hours; the double action was a huge turn on. It is amazing how sucking and fucking can be like a tag team, one then the other is ready to be serviced. They liked to play rough so I didn’t get any sleep that night.

 

So what could have been wrong with that? Mr. B started with a riding crop after my bath and had a paddle to ass, legs, tummy, and tits until I was red all over. I begged him to let me please him until he pulled off his belt and opened his pants. I sucked him off on my knees, looking up at him as the belt left its marks on my back. Exhausting his jizz on my face and neck he said it was time for bed. I stretched out ready to finally sleep as he produced the bag of rubber toys I had purchased the night before. He said I would have to show him I wanted it inside me as he hung the 18 inch monster over my face, slowly lowering the heavy dong onto my neck, chest, and tummy. He wanted me to start with it in my mouth; the head could barely get past my lips. While I held it in he opened my anus with the cone shaped plug. My ass was fucked hard the night before so with little effort I was firmly anchored on top of the plug. Arching back my pussy was spread easily by the first of his fingers. He was a master of the finger fuck, he would use 1, 2, 3 and hook his hand up under my pubic bone. Lifting my hips with his strong fingers the cone in my ass was spreading my hips as he let me drop onto the plug. The first orgasm exploded in my cunt as I could feel the cone spread my ass apart. I felt suddenly empty as his hand pulled out. Still impaled over the plug he pressed his face to mine and whispered, “Bobbie, I know you have wanted a night like this. You are all mine now. Show me you want to get fucked.” He had dragged my head to the side of the bed; my ass was still on the plug. His cock was over my mouth, as I opened my lips I could feel that he would have me deep in my throat. I sucked at his head as he slid the dildo down my tummy and over my pussy lips. His cock was now in the saddle, I could feel it deep enough to make it hard to breathe. He bent over me with one hand on my pubic mound he pressed my ass onto the plug. Slowly I could feel the huge dildo head push my labia lips into my cunt until it was all in, inner, outer lips spread, stretched, and up inside me, I felt like my clit had been forced into my maw as well. He used both hands to stretch me open, pulling my legs back and apart. The first thrust had the head inside me, pulling back out my pussy lips came out with a pop as my gaping cunt filled with air. I was quivering as he hesitated to ease his cock deeper. I was now firmly held, ready for the next thrust to open my uterus and pull me apart. He rammed the head into my eager cunt, I could feel my lips seal around it and the empty cavern waiting to be filled. He placed my hands over my mound to feel the head emerge against my bulging skin. I wanted to feel him fuck me in every hole, to tear me apart. As the huge dong started to piston in and out I could feel the head against my tummy. Arched back on the plug and gagging on his cock I felt the dong pass my fingers and begin pressing to my navel, I imagined wrapping my fingers under it to pull it deeper, I wanted that rubber cock to come inside me. As I began cumming the cock was in and out faster and deeper. Mr. B pulled it deeper, pulling my body to take his cock as he let go his load.

 

I was nearly unconscious as he whispered, “Bobbie, you are ready now, to serve me”. I heard the door close. When I woke the two men from last night were tugging my nipples and clitoris. So this is how he wanted me to serve.