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Pot Noodle


prolaptotron
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you will need;

1 pot noodle
some boiling water

okay so here's how it goes. buy a pot noodle, it doesn't really matter which variety, for reasons i'll get to in a second;- but here you can see i've gone for the chicken and mushroom flavour, mainly because it was the only picture i could find of a pot noodle, but i digress...

the tricky bit is getting the fucking lid off, i would recommend you keep a pair of pliers handy for this job, although if you don't think you're up to it you can always cut the fuck out of it with a knife or something (this also makes it look cooler), of course i'd recommend the latter option.

okay once the lid is off you'll witness what looks like a plastic brillo pad covered in carpet fluff. this is probably pretty close to what it actually is but lets give it a fucking chance okay.

now put the kettle on. make sure to put some water in it first - i can't stress how much of a let down this is already going to be without making things even worse by dry boiling your kettle. but let's assume we make it this far.

now you should probably wear some safety goggles and falconers gloves for this next bit as it's pretty fucking dangerous, i just fly solo but that's the kind of guy i am. pour the boiling water very slowly into the centre of the brillo pad making sure to get a nice gaussian distribution of water bespattered around the carpet fluff. you could practice a few times by pouring cold water into a cup with a sponge in it at first if you don't think you are ready for the big leagues yet.

put the kettle down as carefully as possible and stand well back.

after about 5 minutes your vision should have almost returned to normal from the gangrenous pot noodle steam that exploded in your face when you poured the boiling water on it.

okay it's chow time!

you are ready for the pot noodle experience - stick a fork into the congealed block of fuck and attempt to retrieve some of those so called 'noodles'. also take great caution whilst eating it as the putrifying tendrils which swing from your fork have a nasty tendency to spray boiling acid at your face and arms. this is perfectly normal. and hey, if you can bring yourself to put this in your mouth then you can probably claim some mental disability benefits or something so check out your local government office for info about this.

if you would like to try a pot noodle out but do not have the balls to try it; then i'll describe it for you;-

IT IS ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE EATING OLD SHOELACES BOILED IN DOGS PISS OUT OF A PLANT POT.

except there is not quite as much nutritional value.

i hope you like my recipe.

thank you and goodnight.

prolaptotron.
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But how about serving ?
- When you're having her parents (over) for dinner for the first time, appearance is everything...

Could I serve it directly in the fancy cups or would it be less showy to pour the boiling acid in regular cups ?

A fan
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Hehehe, prol, you as funny as ever, and probably a good english teacher as well!
Tried those horrible pot noodles once, when I lived in Walsall with my GF. I was suspicious but she insisted "they are gogeous".
Well NEVER MORE!!!

Cheers,

cb
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QUOTE(prolaptotron @ Jul 17 2007, 01:31 PM) [snapback]38633[/snapback]
.....IT IS ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE EATING OLD SHOELACES BOILED IN DOGS PISS OUT OF A PLANT POT....


sorry pal but i think i missed that recipe post. can you re-post please, especially since i am relacing my moms combat boots smile.gif
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QUOTE(anllover @ Jul 18 2007, 04:51 PM) [snapback]38852[/snapback]

sorry pal but i think i missed that recipe post. can you re-post please, especially since i am relacing my moms combat boots smile.gif


laugh.gif and we need more geek recipes too (as the scott ones huhu) ! biggrin.gif Bimboy is right prol, more Pot Noodles etiquette ! jester.gif (^ ^) crazy.gif Edited by Tangerine
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  • 7 months later...
Honestly, come home drunk open pot noodle fill about quarter of an inch under the mark with boiling water leave for 10 minutes. Butter 4 slices of bread, some BBG sauce on bread and a slice of cheese on each. Pot noodle will be ready given the fact that ur drunk, now make a sandwich. Awesome.

Please dont blame me for the mess laugh.gif
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  • 1 year later...
Banning lolli-pops... wtf?

I guess its for the best, those bitches are most likely loaded with corn syrup. Good thing candy flavored pot is widely available.
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  • 2 months later...
what the fucking shit?

my work here is clearly done.
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[quote name='prolaptotron' date='20 May 2010 - 08:06 PM' timestamp='1274382389' post='180720']
what the fucking shit?

my work here is clearly done.
[/quote]

At least you return, my Lord.

The Prophecy has come. Let's serve Pot-noodles ! (^ 0 ^)
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