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Does Sex change after children?


minx
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Hello my darlings,

I know there may be a fair few who won't want to answer this as it might be too personal a thing to discuss but I'm just wondering how sex has changed for you after you've (your partner tongue.gif ) have had children?

For me even my fantasies have changed, I can't block out the unsafe stuff knowing it's just a fantasy, like I used to think about gang bangs and now when I think about that if I go through that scenario then somewhere I have to tell myself about condoms or STD testing and cycle dates and things. It kind of ruins the moment!

Also for the first time the other day I tried playing with a plug whilst I was feeling randy and it did nothing. Worse than nothing it actually put me off! Now I know before I gave all "this" up that I was going off anal play probably from overdoing it, but to go from it still hitting the spot to now being nothing is really weird for me. Maybe it's a sub-conscious thing because I know it's not going to be an option any more anyway? Even more bizarre though is the fact that it still gets me off in my fantasies.

So...

Have your preferences changed after kids?

Have your partners preferences changed after kids?

Is it just that priorities change and we suddenly grow up? Do we narrow our likes down to the things that are emotionally more important to us (like intimacy rather than a quickie with a stranger?).

Just curious.

Love to all xx

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Funny thing you're starting this topic right now. I've got a daughter myself for six months now and it has severely affected our sex life (actually since her pregnancy). Our sex life is near extinct, I'm afraid. But then again, both our lives have been shaken thoroughly and I don't think we're really adjusted to the situation (that also being the main reason why my participation here on the board has gone sub-zero). The thing is, we're both afraid to 'start things up'. It's almost like I don't know what to do anymore...

On the other hand, it has'nt really affected my hunger for things up my ass... Only problem is finding the right time to do it with the daughter around (and now I can't smoke any more of the funny stuff in the living room in front of the tv, but have to move to the kitchen or outside, which is annoying whilst 'playing') Edited by mxdil
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My dear pals , the same arrived to me 24 years ago after my 1rst son was born, sex vanished , then separation, then new sex life with new partner then sex vanished then separation then… ohmy.gif (^ ^) unsure.gif Edited by Tangerine
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QUOTE(mxdil @ Jun 6 2008, 05:13 PM) [snapback]96443[/snapback]

Funny thing you're starting this topic right now. I've got a daughter myself for six months now and it has severely affected our sex life (actually since her pregnancy). Our sex life is near extinct, I'm afraid. But then again, both our lives have been shaken thoroughly and I don't think we're really adjusted to the situation (that also being the main reason why my participation here on the board has gone sub-zero). The thing is, we're both afraid to 'start things up'. It's almost like I don't know what to do anymore...

On the other hand, it has'nt really affected my hunger for things up my ass... Only problem is finding the right time to do it with the daughter around (and now I can't smoke any more of the funny stuff in the living room in front of the tv, but have to move to the kitchen or outside, which is annoying whilst 'playing')


Congrats on your daughter, you never said!

My sex life has been near extinct too as you put it, but tbh I've been quite happy with that mostly! It's absolutely exhausting doing this whole mummy thing so it doesn't surprise me. And yes, finding time around little people is tricky. My only advice is to go back to basics and start all over again.

I'm really torn trying to reply to this. It's very odd. On the one hand I want to say she's knackered and cut her some slack but on the other I know where you're coming from. It's a massive massive change, and especially for her. For me - my needs have changed. My confidence has changed, my body has certainly changed. It's a really weird adjustment to make and it's bound to take time. They say it takes 9 months to grow a baby and it takes another 9 months to get over it. I dunno. Hang on in there, it does get easier.



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mxdil, you tossing old sod, you never said anything, big up and fat congratulations to you, your partner and your daughter

minx, you have many reasons not to feel and think as you used to, all of them understandable, and so even if you're not into the anal thing anymore, your thoughts are ever welcome here Edited by gninori
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I haven`t had any children (yet) and I never had a GF with small kids.
I am saying "small kids" because I think the drop of desire is a temporary matter. Isn`t nature to blame for it? Like, you just filled the purpose of sex by having a baby and nature is keeping your sex drive low (thru endorfines hormones stamines... who knows?) until U are not ready for the next one. I am not saying this fits to everyone...and maybe it does more for women as for men. My 2 cents, of course.
Congratulation to all the moms and daddies on the board!

Hugs to ya all,

cb
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Thanks for the support everyone!

I think our main issue is that for the first time in our 9 year realtionship, we're really man and woman and not the boy/girl couple anymore, with everything that comes with it.
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It is very very scary.

I keep waiting for his real mummy to come and pick him, can't quite believe he's mine sometimes. It just still feels like something someone else does and not something I could do.


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Minxy, I recognise what you're going through; my wife and I went through a similar drought when our kids were small, and it does take some time to adjust to the tiredness, the drop in libido and the lack of opportunity to be a couple alone (which is very important to nourish the relationship). Stick with it, it's worth it in the long run and try to keep all balls in the air, even if not so high as before.
It's good for morale if you can get some time for exercise- it helps overcome some of the physical changes that you may not be happy about, and also helps with elevating mood. Are there other young mums you can talk to about this sort of thing? Playgroups are good for setting up friendships that help keep you all sane, though I guess your little one is still a bit small for that phase.
It gets better:- I'm sure you know women who are finished having babies and are interested in sex. I suspect the forties and fifties are when many women really discover (or at least develop) their sexuality. My turn-ons have changed over time- I'm now much more attracted to women of my own age than younger women, and my wife has developed an interest in porn after menopause! She suggests looking at it together, which she never did before the last few years.
I guess we all grow and change throughout our lives and what you're experiencing is very normal, and this stage will pass. Best to take the positives at each stage and not worry too much about the rest.
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I'm not for a minute worried about it, I'm quite enjoying not being driven by sex all the time (although it's not helping making number 2 baby). I don't agree with all the "normal" stuff anyway, who the hell knows what normal is. Just because it's normal doesn't mean I like it! wink.gif

I was just wondering how the experience had affected everyone else? I suppose because I'm nosy.

Frankly I don't want my previous sex drive back, and probably I'm not too bothered about having my previous kinks back either as they seemed to cause me an awful lot of trouble for not a great deal of worthwhile pleasure so it really was just a discussion post.

xx



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Good-O, sounds like you're not having any real probs- for the record, normal just means that it applies to most people. No value judgement involved.

QUOTE(Minx @ Jun 11 2008, 01:52 PM) [snapback]97082[/snapback]

I'm not for a minute worried about it, I'm quite enjoying not being driven by sex all the time (although it's not helping making number 2 baby). I don't agree with all the "normal" stuff anyway, who the hell knows what normal is. Just because it's normal doesn't mean I like it! wink.gif

I was just wondering how the experience had affected everyone else? I suppose because I'm nosy.

Frankly I don't want my previous sex drive back, and probably I'm not too bothered about having my previous kinks back either as they seemed to cause me an awful lot of trouble for not a great deal of worthwhile pleasure so it really was just a discussion post.

xx

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  • 4 years later...
Ruben
15 februari 1978 † 29 oktober 2010

mxdil, i learned too late (some days ago on FB, in the event of your 35th birthday) that you're now riding other extreme roads in the sky. i'll always remember with friendship and deep feeling our interesting public and private and intimate conversations on this board. and i recall how i learned on this topic that you had had a baby. so, life goes on...

goodbye, belgian friend :friends: Edited by gninori
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[quote name='gninori' date='27 February 2013 - 02:40 AM' timestamp='1361929217' post='745554']
Ruben
15 februari 1978 † 29 oktober 2010

mxdil, i learned too late (some days ago on FB, in the event of your 35th birthday) that you're now riding other extreme roads in the sky. i'll always remember with friendship and deep feeling our interesting public and private and intimate conversations on this board. and i recall how i learned on this topic that you had had a baby. so, life goes on...

goodbye, belgian friend :notworthy:
[/quote]

RIP
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  • 5 months later...
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